The Catholic Gentleman

A blog for Catholic men that seeks to encourage virtue, the pursuit of holiness and the art of true masculinity.

Happiness

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The Benefits Of Being A Generous Man

In this episode of The Catholic Gentleman, Sam and John discuss some of the best ways to be happy, find purpose, and grow in masculine virtue. Generosity can present itself in many different ways, each of unique merit, and all of them necessary to becoming a well-rounded and intentional man. Join us.

  • Learn this mark of a true gentleman
  • How generosity and gratefulness go hand in hand
  • How many times generosity is mentioned in the Catechism
  • How generosity with accepting children is part of growing in holiness
  • And more…

Check out other Catholic Gentleman Articles on Courage – Click Here

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Attention and the Distraction Addiction

There are two ways to go through life: Mindfully or mindlessly. In the first instance, we pay attention. We see things and notice them in order to appreciate them. We hear things in order to understand them. We seek to know things not superficially but in their wholeness. We live in the present moment and experience the world with wonder, tasting its mysteries with full appreciation.

In the second instance, we are distracted. We see things but do not notice them. We hear things but do not understand them. All the information of our senses is received with the bare minimum of attention. Our whole life is a haze, a fragmented series of a barely conscious sense impressions.

The first describes the mode of the poet who sees fully and feels deeply. The second describes the frequently fragmented attention of modern man, and this is in no small part due to omnipresent technology.

Technology and Attention

I possess a smartphone, and I there are frequently times I am thankful for its benefits. Yet, as often as I am thankful, I am equally disgusted with it. For my phone has a way of drawing me inevitably away from the present moment. A brief consultation for a specific purpose quickly finds me distracted by myriad pieces of information flowing at me incessantly through a brightly colored screen. It is a machine designed for one purpose—to absorb and hold my attention for as long as possible.

Whether or not we realize it, our attention is now a commodity to be bought and sold. We think we are mindlessly relaxing, scrolling through our Instagram or Facebook feed. In reality, advertisers are purchasing our attention and using the years of social data we have given them to know what we want before we know we want it.  And it works. It is nearly irresistible. It is designed to be so.

Fragmentation and Augmentation

It could be argued legitimately that every technology has tradeoffs and that internet enabled phones are no exception. The problem is, digital devices are designed to fragment attention, where other technologies are intended to augment it. An apt example is a book. A book is actually a piece of technology for relaying information. After the advent of the printing press, books became the most widely used system of information exchange.

But reading is an entirely different experience than scrolling on Facebook. Reading focuses your attention and draws you into a deep state of flow—of concentration without effort. Reading causes you to pass through the particular words into the realm of ideas and, in the case of fiction, imagery and emotions. The whole structure of a book, from the font to the layout of words on a page, is designed to aid and augment concentration.

Digital devices, on the other hand, fragment attention. On opening your smartphone, you are presented with a grid providing you with a choice of applications you want to enter. Because there are options, your attention is immediately pulled in different directions. Once you enter an app, you are faced with a stream of information—whether it be a list of emails, social media posts, or notifications of activity.

Each item presents a demand on your attention. It beckons you to become aware of it and engage with it. It stimulates our desires and teaches us to act on impulse. And because there is always something new, our brains are soon trained to expect the reward of fresh stimulus. Using such a device is rather like someone on a strict, gluten free diet walking into a donut shop—resolve does not last long.

Struggle for Awareness

My point is not to denigrate technology. Devices such as smartphones have indeed brought benefits to our lives. I would not own one if there were not benefits to it. And yet, there is a very real sense in which these devices have impoverished us in making us no longer aware of the world around us. More often than not, we move through life in a distracted haze of stimulation and response, neglecting the deeper concentration needed for true contemplation. How many miracles, how many shimmering wonders do we miss because we are lost in a two dimensional screen?

We must resist mindlessness, and not by half measures. I believe we have a very real duty to struggle against distraction. As Christians, we are all called to be poets—not literally perhaps, but in the sense of seeing fully and feeling deeply the mystery of things.

To quote the poet Gerard Manley Hopkins, the “world is charged with the grandeur of God,” but without awareness, without attention, we cannot experience this sacramental reality. We cannot receive it as the gift that it is, with joy and wonder and gratitude, if we are not awake enough to notice it. And not merely notice it in a superficial, cursory manner, but truly contemplate it in its richness and beauty.

Our fragmented attention is causing us to miss out on a great deal of joy. Let us then struggle against the world of artificiality that beckons us and seeks to absorb and then shatter our attention. Let us strive for mindfulness and not mindlessness. Let us return to reality and receive the gift of creation with awe and thanksgiving and offer for it a sacrifice of praise.

 

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The Measure of Success

cc748cv47Everyone who wants to be a failure, please raise your hand.

That’s what I thought.

We all want to be good at what we do, to be competent and respected and admired. We even spend large amounts of money on things we don’t need in order to show off just how successful we are.

But we don’t just like to be thought of as successful—we also judge others on their degree of success, naturally admiring those with high powered jobs and big bank accounts. We assume those with more accolades, or money, or possessions are better people. We admire a CEO more than a janitor simply because he brings home a huge paycheck and has lots of power. We shouldn’t, but we all too often do.

Bigger is better?

This success-oriented thinking also creeps in in other areas of life, especially when it comes to numbers. Men like big numbers. The bigger and more impressive the number, the more we think it matters. One million must be better than ten thousand, right?

Even within the Church, it is easy to judge success in terms of numbers. Is your parish growing? How many baptisms took place this year? How big was the collection this week? How many people are involved in your programs?

There’s nothing wrong with statistics, but all too easily it becomes an idolatry of sorts, the only measure of success we care about. Quantity replaces quality, the work of God is treated like a business, and numbers rule the day.

But here’s the thing: When it comes to God’s economy, outward, numerical success means exactly nothing.

We Follow a Failure

I say this with all due reverence, but humanly speaking, Jesus’ earthly life was a complete failure. He didn’t overthrow the Roman government and usher in a glorious earthly kingdom as so many had hoped. He didn’t make friends with the powerful and influential. He didn’t win many to the truth of the Gospel. Quite the opposite. He was despised and rejected almost everywhere he went.

The once adoring crowds that followed him later turned away from him because his teaching was too hard to hear. Those in his hometown sneered at him and tried to throw him off a cliff. The religious leaders hated him and considered him a demon possessed blasphemer. One of his closest friends betrayed him for money, and the rest of his friends disowned and abandoned him. He was mocked, laughed at, and considered a madman. And the zenith of his life? It was being unjustly condemned to death, stripped naked, humiliated, nailed to a cross with common criminals, and buried in a grave that wasn’t even his own.

Yet despite all this, Jesus is the most important man who ever lived or ever will. His life, death, and resurrection is the hinge upon which history turns. Why? Because God’s ways are not our ways. His judgement is not our judgement. It is higher, and better.

The Spiritual Economy

God doesn’t assess value shallowly like we do. In the spiritual economy, the most successful human works—the big, glitzy stuff with big numbers that everyone praises as incredible achievements—are often worth zip, zilch, nada. The famous names, the best-selling books, the huge sums of money? They don’t impress the Ancient of Days.

That’s not to say that outward success is wrong by default. God very well might bless and multiply your efforts abundantly. There are many famous, respected, and wealthy people who are holy and righteous.

But the point is, it is not wealth or power or fame that makes these souls pleasing in God’s eyes. It is what is in their hearts.

The Greatest of These is Love

So what makes us successful in God’s economy? What makes us truly great men? What gives worth to our efforts if not numbers and statistics and outward fruit? Love. Love alone is what God desires of us. It alone gives our actions worth in his eyes. It was the widow, and not the wealthy, who won the heart of Jesus with her gift.

Fame means nothing. Money means nothing. Blog stats and social shares mean nothing. Human respect, book contracts, fat paychecks, power, praise and adulation—they all mean nothing in eternity. Even repeated frustration, mistakes, and failure mean nothing. Love alone will last forever. It alone unites us to God and floods our hearts with happiness.

So let me ask you this. What are you living for? Power, wealth, fame, the admiration of others? If so, you very well might get what you wish for, and you will have your reward. But it will be so much sound and fury signifying nothing. It will be so much vanity in the eyes of God.

There is only one way to be a truly great man—not just in time, but in eternity. And that is by becoming a man who loves the divine heart of Jesus deeply, by becoming a man who belongs wholly to God.

This is the summary of the matter: Now abides success, failure, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

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Six Ways to Live a Joyful Life from St. John Bosco

20100729nw00349-e1440056003426-1024x783If there’s one undeniable fact about human nature, it’s that we all want to be happy. We crave joy—infinite, endless joy.

The problem is, we often look for happiness in all the wrong places, leaving ourselves frustrated and miserable. The plethora of wildly popular self-help books shows that we are hungry for guidance on how to live well.

One man found the secret of true happiness. His name was St. John Bosco. He was a man who experienced many trials, but who also lived a life full of gladness and joy. St. John Bosco was so happy that he could hardly contain it. “Dear friend,” he wrote to an associate, “I am a man who loves joy and who therefore wishes to see you and everybody happy. If you do as I say, you will be joyful and glad in heart.”

So how did St. John Bosco find real happiness? Here’s his six recommendations for living a joyful life:

  1. Live for God alone – “Give God the greatest possible glory and honor Him with your whole soul. If you have a sin on your conscience, remove it as soon as possible by means of a good Confession.”
  2. Be a servant – “Never offend anyone. Above all, be willing to serve others. Be more demanding of yourself than of others.”
  3. Be careful in your associations – “Do not trust those who have no faith in God and who do not obey His precepts. Those who have no scruples in offending God and who do not give Him what they should will have many fewer scruples in offending you and even betraying you when it is convenient for them.”
  4. Spend carefully – “If you do not wish to be ruined, never spend more than you earn. You should bear this in mind and always measure your true possibilities accurately.”
  5. Be humble – “Be humble. Speak little of yourself and never praise yourself before anyone. He who praises himself, even if he has real merit, risks losing the good opinion of others. He who seeks only praise and honors is sure to have an empty head fed only by wind… will have no peace of soul and will be unreliable in his undertakings.”
  6. Carry your cross – “Carry your cross on your back and take is as it comes, small or large, whether from friends or enemies and of whatever wood it be made. The most intelligent and happiest of men is he who, knowing that he is doomed to carry the cross throughout life, willingly and resignedly accepts the one God sends him.”

Finding real happiness isn’t complicated. Anyone, even a child, could live by these simple rules.

Yet, these prescriptions are pretty counter-cultural aren’t they? They are the exact opposite of what society tells us will make us happy. You certainly won’t find them shared in a New York Times best-seller.

But the truth is, it doesn’t matter what society says. The most joyful of all people are the saints—men and women like St. John Bosco. They were truly and lastingly happy because they had discovered the secret that holiness is real happiness. And they want you to discover it too.

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Source for St. John Bosco’s recommendations: American Needs Fatima.

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Lose Yourself: Finding Freedom in Mary’s Risky Yes

551b0fd53c5d8f0d6f643b41f22a5fccDid she really say that? Did she really mean it? I keep turning back to Luke 1:38, “And Mary said, ‘Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.’” I take a few minutes to present myself before God in silence. When my mind wanders, I return to the spirit of Mary’s words. How can my heart prepare him room?

Then it hits me.

Only as God’s handmaiden did Mary became the God-bearer.

I want to ask you: when did the New Covenant start? Where was the special place where God became man, “not by conversion of the Godhead into flesh, but by the taking of manhood up into God”? It all started in the womb of the virgin Mary. She is the genesis, the cradle, the fountainhead of Christ’s humanity. She is the place where, as John 1:14 says, “The Word became flesh and tabernacle among us, and we beheld his glory.” Mary gave herself—body and soul—to God: and as God’s handmaiden, Mary became the God-bearer.

Now, the incarnation is not like a game of Monopoly. We can’t pull out the board and arrange the pieces and do it all over again. But gentlemen, I want to suggest to you that Mary was just the beginning of what God wants to do in all of us—make us God’s handmaidens. You and me. People who, like Mary, can hear Christ and then say Yes to Christ. So it is that Jesus says in Luke 8:20, “My mother and brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it.”

St. Paul puts it in more muscular terms. He says he is “a slave for Christ” (Rom. 1:1). The way of manliness, for Paul, is “not by way of eye service, as men-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart” (Eph. 6:6).

Brothers, if we do not become God’s “handmaidens,” God’s servants, our lives will be barren, childless, Godless. But if we imitate Our Lady, the ever Virgin Mary, and we hold nothing back—if we say only Yes! to God—we would “conceive” Christ within us, and show his New Covenant to the world.

How can we hear God’s word? He tells us: “The Lord revealed himself to Samuel at Shiloh by the word of the Lord” (1 Sam. 3:21). God reveals himself by his word. If you want him, you begin with his word. God also reveals himself through his Church. “But when they believed Philip as he proclaimed the good news of the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, they were baptized, both men and women” (Acts 8:12). When they believed Philip they were baptized. God reveals himself through his Church. To hear God’s word, we must start by seeking him in Scripture and the Church.

How can we, as men of Christ, say Yes to God’s word? When we think only of how we might get hurt, or have been hurt, we do not risk saying Yes to God. We grasp for the wrong things (like control) and come up empty. We do not risk the Gospel, and so we never really know the Gospel. We only know our fears. But gentleman, our Blessed Mother reminds us that we were made for more than worry. Sometimes the manliest thing to do is let go.

Let go. 

Stop trying to run the show and start walking in faith. How easy it is to type those words and how hard it is to live them out! But it’s the only way. Soon the soul must choose: self or God, pride or humility, too high a view of one’s self or an ever-higher view of God. It’s the choice between life or death.

Let go, and lean on the One who is ultimately in command. He longs to lead you, as he led Our Lady, and to bless you, hold you, and love you—not because you’re kind-of-a-big-deal, but because he is that awesome. The Bible invites you and me to live a life that is no longer about us. Mary reminds us that life is firstly about God, not us. Her story tells us that God really is just that: God. Mary helps us to remember that true freedom is found in servitude.

Brothers, only God’s handmaidens, only God’s slaves, can be God-bearers.

In conclusion, what does it look like to hear Christ and then say Yes to Christ? It looks a lot like Mary. To be, like her, rich soil for the seed of God to grow is to be a God-bearer. For only God’s handmaidens can be God-bearers. St. Peter put it this way: “Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bond slaves of God” (1 Pet. 2:16).

Saint Mary pray for us, that we would say only Yes to God, that we would show your Son’s New Covenant to a hurting world. Holy Spirit, come in power. O most sacred heart of Jesus, give us obedient hearts. So that, like your ever virgin mother, we may join you in bringing glory to the Father in Heaven. Amen.

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Tyler Blanski is a writer who possesses a beard of medieval proportions. Tyler is the author of When Donkeys Talk and Mud and Poetry.